A Lesson in Patience

When the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to transition back into the Catholic faith a year ago, I knew this journey would be one of extreme discomfort for not only me but those around me. I knew the journey would be a very painful one but never did I think for a moment this pain would continue to follow me even after I became once again fully Catholic. I was naïve enough to think there would be the strong possibility of my family embracing the faith as well or at the very least be understanding of my transition. Once I could show what a rich and full life the church could provide, others would follow.  But this was not to be and as others before me have experienced, I am convinced it will take an extreme amount of patience on my part for some time to come to be accepting of that realization.

We have all experienced those moments when we run out of patience and someone says “Patience is a Virtue”. According to Wikipedia: The seven heavenly virtues were derived from the Psychomachia ("Contest of the Soul"), an epic poem written by Aurelius Clemens Prudentius (c. AD 410) entailing the battle of virtues and evil. The intense popularity of this work in the Middle Ages helped to spread the concept of "Holy Virtue" throughout Europe. Practicing these virtues is considered to protect one against temptation from the seven deadly sins, with each one having its counterpart. Due to this they are sometimes referred to as the contrary virtues. Each of the seven heavenly virtues matches a corresponding deadly sin.”

I heard a marvelous sermon not too long ago at St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York by Archbishop Timothy Dolan on patience. He spoke of patience with ourselves, others and God. He mentioned patience with God is a difficult one as most of us when we pray want God to answer our prayers immediately and he likened it to us putting our request into the microwave oven and “zap” it is answered when in reality God puts it in a crockpot and lets it simmer a bit. My request for family to embrace the faith is in the crockpot and will probably simmer until there is no liquid left and the ingredients burn up!

Patience as defined in the dictionary says:

“ The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset” and Wikipedia says “Forbearance and endurance through moderation. Resolving conflicts and injustice peacefully, as opposed to resorting to violence. Accepting the grace to forgive to show mercy to sinners. Creating a sense of peaceful stability and community rather than suffering and antagonism.”

I think the “without getting angry or upset” and “accepting the grace to forgive” is the most difficult part of practicing patience. We drive down a freeway and a person cuts us off. We stand in line at the grocery store and invariably wind up in the slowest line. We go to a doctor or dentist and he has an emergency or we find he is running “behind”. For pregnant mothers, impatient for the day of delivery, the sign in the doctor’s office reads: “Please have patience, God isn’t finished with me yet” are all examples of common everyday situations many of us find ourselves in causing us to lose our patience and become angry, upset and not very forgiving. Bishop Dolan also mentioned in his sermon that he had discussed this very issue with a spiritual mentor once and the mentor asked him what it was he was wearing around his neck. Bishop Dolan said something to the effect “it is my cross I wear all the time”. The mentor told Bishop Dolan that every time he felt like he was losing patience, to put his hand around the cross of the One who had extreme patience during His life on earth.

Once I realized God was calling me back into the church, it took me about nine years from the initial “call” to actually walk into a Catholic Church to begin the process. There would be times when I was impatient but once the Spirit of the Lord took hold of me I knew there was no turning back. I needed to make that move but at the same time knew the word patience would become very familiar to me over and over again.

When one walks in the door of a Protestant church as a visitor, one is immediately greeted by those assigned to various doors of the church to welcome potential members. The process can be swift and before one knows it, they are walking down the isle of the church at the end of the service becoming a member of that community of believers as defined by those particular denominational requirements.

Well, not so with the Catholic Church. As a former Catholic having had all the sacraments but being away from the church for 45 years there were a few hurtles to jump before I could be considered part of the fullness of the church and able to take communion. Initially once I contacted the church, I had to wait an agonizing month before I could even talk to someone about coming back. I know I was being tested as to whether or not I was serious about this move and patience was not in my vocabulary; thus I was extremely stressed over this potential appointment so much so I thought of cancelling it. From the time of that first appointment until the time when I was able to receive communion was approximately two and half months. During this time I would attend Mass and begin the orientation back into the church which included the Sacrament of Reconciliation and the Sanaiton process for my marriage. This was a complete exercise in patience but once I knew everything was beginning to fall into place, patience became less and less of an issue.

Of course now I look back on it and realize God had an extreme amount of patience with me throughout those 45 years so why should it be so difficult for me to understand that a few months of waiting and preparing to return to the faith was a small amount of time compared to those years I was floundering around outside of the church.

Now the patience I have to endure is that of knowing all things work through God. I have learned to curb my tongue as the old saying is “Loose lips sink ships” or as St. James says in his gospel: “Consider how a small fire can set a huge forest ablaze. The tongue is also a fire. It exits among our member as a world of malice (having the tendency to lash out), defiling the whole body and setting the entire course of our lives on fire…” (3:5b-6. NAB)

So I have to practice extreme patience when someone says something I know to be incorrect about the Catholic Church allowing myself to later search the answer so as to give a correct one to dispel an untruth. When I sit through a Protestant church service to be with a family member, I have learned extreme patience when the sermon is on the belief of an open communion table versus one that is not. I have learned patience when someone says that Catholics think they are the only ones with the Keys to the Kingdom or someone uses the sign of the cross in jest. And of course there are always those who blame the church for all the abuse cases and that subject has been mentioned in my presence on various occasions. These are just a few of the things I encounter creating some discomfort but again a lesson in patience has taught me to leave it in God’s hands. I do have to admit most of my Protestant friends now seem more comfortable in asking for clarification than they were a year ago so perhaps my patience has won out in this arena.

Fr. John Tauler, OP (t 1361) says in a recent meditation in the Magnificat (January Edition) “Leave your vindication to God and the truth and do not defend yourself; and then will the peace of God be born within you, and be spread around you in all patience and love.”

Do I continue to struggle with patience? Of course I do. I would be remiss in suggesting otherwise. But I love the Church and all its beauty, rich history, and canonical laws passed down through the centuries. Most of all I love the sacramental aspect of the Church; the Eucharist every time I go to Mass, a liturgy mirroring that of the early Christians and the knowledge I have the fullness of God’s grace through all the sacraments. It is because of these elements that my impatience has turned into patience giving me a profound sense of peace and tranquility.

Written by a Follower of SDM